Always crashing in the same car...

Amsterdam

I think that anyone could have told me that here is not the right place to be discussing my brother's illness. I'll say no more than he remains in a coma, that it has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, and that I feel incredibly close to him. It's been a very difficult week.

My brother is my main concern, however I am going to change the subject now.

I have returned to counselling. Tonight I had my third session with a Transactional Analysis counsellor who I located on the Internet. I don't like it, and I still think counselling is a waste of time and money - however I have made a promise to myself that I will go for a course of 12, irrespective of whether I think it is going anywhere or not. Clearly what I am doing (alone) isn't working, so I can't imagine how this could be any worse. Other than losing £40 a week.

magic dance

I got an email from my parents two hours ago. My brother has had a sky-diving accident and has facial injuries and a broken leg - and has been put in a coma. That's all I know. I don't know what I feel. I guess that I've been preparing for this for the last 5 years. I've emailed M (my friend in Australia) but haven't had a reply, being Easter holidays. All I can do is wait.

a foggy day in London town

Tomorrow I will be on holiday for 10 days. I am so pleased - as I've been needing a break from work. This will be the first one since Christmas (when this photo of Dalmeny House was taken). I plan to sleep a lot, walk a lot, eat nice healthy foods, see a lot of exhibitions, dye my hair, whiten my teeth, and lose half a stone. When I return to work I will be moving to another location - and sharing an office with sassy girls who work in the same area as me. This will hopefully be a vast improvement on sharing with men who share none of my interests (professional or otherwise). I'd like to look and feel my best when I start working with a bunch of new people.

Prince Charming

It's been so long (5 months) since I posted here that I have had to relearn how to use TypePad - my blogging software.

Only minutes ago I renewed my lodgerlow domain name for another 2 years, and its hosting for another year. It would have lapsed tomorrow. So, I guess that this betrays some sort of commitment to keeping this weblog going. One of my colleagues has a photoblog and we were talking in the corridor about how he takes a daily photo and posts it up - and that's what brought me back here.

Looking at the stats I can see that no-one comes here anymore. This suits me fine as I'd like to start afresh.

dakota

I've now been here in Broughton Street a little over two weeks. I am settled, of sorts, but not properly. Today the fridge I ordered 2 weeks ago arrived - which means that I can start cooking, and eating properly. Until now I was eating steamed vegetables with hummus turned through them for dinner. The communal fridge in the kitchen (which was the same one that was here 5 years ago) still has as much ice in the fridge section as it does in the freezer section. And some of the food has probably been there as long! I've always had my own fridge, in every flat I've ever shared. I can't cope with other people's rotting food being anywhere near my food. Compared to the communal fridge my little fridge looks like a space ship!

Tomorrow I am going to Ikea to buy a wardrobe and chest of drawers/something similar. I had intended to go on Saturday but the wardrobe wasn't in stock. It's still not in stockt, but I can't wait any longer if I wish to assemble it whilst I'm on holiday. Then I have to get rid of the old wardrobe and chest of drawers - and some other small pieces of crappy furniture in my room. I think this'll take a couple of weeks.

Hmm.... then I have to think about moving here properly. Early November - I think.

10:15 on a Saturday night

S left on Thursday night. Oh my goodness did she leave a mess behind. Q and I worked until 10.30pm cleaning her room for the new boy, and cleaning the hall area. We threw out 8 massive black bin bags of rubbish. She'd set aside things to go to charity - but they were in such poor condition that charity shops wouldn't have accepted them. Despite the cleaning being exhausting - and giving me a late night when I had to go to work the next day -  it was really satisfying. The flat looks so different now.

Tonight Q and I cleaned out the kitchen and again threw out a lot of stuff. This time it was 3 bin bags worth. The flat feels better - less cluttered, less full of junk, less smelly. It's still a dump - but it's a little more habitable.

The rubbish collection isn't until Monday - so guess where all these bin bags currently are? In my room! I can't wait until tomorrow morning. Nevertheless I still prefer living here than in my gorgeous flat in SQF. Oh yes.

dancing in the street

See the person in green&white, surrounded by lots of other people? That's me!

I have done more social things in a week - living here - than I have done for 2 years of living by myself. On Friday we had a flat-dinner - S (you can just make her out on my right), her boyfriend, and my flatmates Q (the beautiful Chinese girl to my left), and G.

On Saturday night we went to the pub across the road for S's going-away-party. She had booked their little function room - and it was fun. The photo was taken after closing time. We put our arms around each other in a circle and danced to Banks of Loch Lomond. The night ended at 4am - not an unusual hour for me to be awake - but it's normally due to low mood.

I've also been to see a film - by myself. I can't remember the last one I went to. It certainly wasn't this year, or last year. Perhaps in 2005 or 2004? On Sunday I went to SQF to collect some more things from my flat. I met up with my nice neighbour and we went for a walk for an hour. That'd have been a significant event a couple of weeks ago. Now it is just another nice thing I did this week.

I'm sitting in my room, and again there is a buzz of chatter in the kitchen as Q and G talk and prepare food.

red skies

I am getting used to the noise of the traffic, and I am sleeping better. I'm still being woken up by buses in the morning - however I seem to fall back asleep quite easily.

Everything that came with my room is hideous. Above is the knackered chest of drawers (only the middle drawer works). I'm so glad that it, and the wardrobe, and the sofa, and the pouffe, and the little bookshelf - are all crap and broken. Because this means I can throw them all out. I've already bought a little cheap fridge. The weekend after this one I am going to go to Ikea to buy a wardrobe and perhaps a bed base. One of the girls in the flat wants to come with me - so we'll arrange a day when we can both go together - and we'll get a few things for the flat too.

On Wednesday I went out to my SQF flat to collect a few things - since I hardly brought anything when I moved on the weekend. It was strange being in the flat. I had a strong feeling reminiscent of having dumped someone I really didn't want to be with - that immense sense of relief that soon the relationship will be over - and that this is A Good Thing. This is quite a fitting metaphor because just like relationships that you torture yourself staying in - knowing that you really should end it - once you've made the decision, and you have ended it... you wonder why, why, why didn't I do this years ago?

Why oh why didn't I do this years ago??

blue jeans

I moved into my room on Broughton Street this afternoon. It was utterly filthy - and I spent an enjoyable couple of hours vacuuming and de-blu-tac-ing the walls. I came in a taxi and all I brought was two boxes containing a week's worth of clothes, toiletries, two pairs of shoes, and a few bits of kitchen stuff. And my bedding.

It's fabulous here. I am connected to their wireless broadband and I'm sitting with my laptop on my knees on a manky saggy sofa. My new flatmates are in the hall trying to assemble the filter-thingy for their fishtank. There's lots of laughter and they are chatting happily. I've been made to feel really welcome. They loooove that I have cleaned this room. I've been to the local Tesco and saw more of my-type-of-person in one aisle than I would have seen in an entire shopping trip in SQF. Plus, they sell tofu!

It's a nice room - very big with two 6-foot bay windows - high ceilings - original Victorian cornicing - a working fireplace (pretty yuck though - not as nice as the one in my flat). The carpet is that industrial stuff that you have in offices - very hard-wearing, and scratchy. It looks exactly as it did when I lived here 5 years ago.

Oh, the pic is of my one of my flatmate's shoes. She is Chinese, and she bought them in China. What a sassy bird!

pallas athena

Well... guess what?? I have just rented a room in a flat in Broughton Street. I get the keys on the 1st of October (or earlier). On Sunday the-neighbour-I-like and I were going for our regular walk along the cycle path. I had spent at least 20 minutes talking about how unhappy I am here in SQF - when I suddenly I received a text message (I get about one a month). It was from a lass I used to live with (5 years ago) looking for someone to take a room that was becoming vacant in the flat she stays in. It was like a Sign From God. I immediately replied to arrange a time to come and see her about it. We arranged for me to visit tonight. I did, and they accepted me as their new flatmate. The room is huge - and is exactly the same one I was in before I bought this flat.

Before I left I wrote a cheque for the deposit. So, in a couple of weeks I'll have two homes.