Always crashing in the same car...

a foggy day in London town

Tomorrow I will be on holiday for 10 days. I am so pleased - as I've been needing a break from work. This will be the first one since Christmas (when this photo of Dalmeny House was taken). I plan to sleep a lot, walk a lot, eat nice healthy foods, see a lot of exhibitions, dye my hair, whiten my teeth, and lose half a stone. When I return to work I will be moving to another location - and sharing an office with sassy girls who work in the same area as me. This will hopefully be a vast improvement on sharing with men who share none of my interests (professional or otherwise). I'd like to look and feel my best when I start working with a bunch of new people.

Prince Charming

It's been so long (5 months) since I posted here that I have had to relearn how to use TypePad - my blogging software.

Only minutes ago I renewed my lodgerlow domain name for another 2 years, and its hosting for another year. It would have lapsed tomorrow. So, I guess that this betrays some sort of commitment to keeping this weblog going. One of my colleagues has a photoblog and we were talking in the corridor about how he takes a daily photo and posts it up - and that's what brought me back here.

Looking at the stats I can see that no-one comes here anymore. This suits me fine as I'd like to start afresh.

stan

I finished a meeting early and decided to walk around town for a little bit, before going home. The Edinburgh Fringe Festival starts on Friday, but already there are a lot of tourists in the city. During the festival the population of Edinburgh swells from 500,000 to 1.3 million. It bursts at the seams. I suspect that England's bad weather will greatly reduce the number of American visitors coming to Scotland this festival- for two reasons. The first being that these visitors cut their English holiday short, and miss off the Scottish part of their holiday. The second being that they conflate Scotland and England and think that what is happening in England is also happening in Scotland. [I am not being derisive when I make those comments - my own ignorance re geography and political/national boundaries is second to no-one's.]

This piper and drummer are local (Scottish) and can be found in the streets of Edinburgh most weekends. I've been seeing them play for - I guess - about 10 years. They had a crowd of about one hundred people watching them, and are very much enjoyed by listeners. May they long continue playing together.

planet telex

This weekend I resumed my habit of going for a daily walk, now that my stress levels have dropped. I find that when I am really stressed a solitary activity like walking makes me feel worse - because it gives me undistracted thinking time. This results in me churning over my problems... and my ruminations are painful, self-flagellating, angry. The weather today and yesterday have been bleak and wet. Nevertheless I walked to Kirkliston and back, a return trip of 2 hours 50 minutes. I love it. I hope to continue this for the duration of my holiday.

In January I posted photos of the barley field I walk across in the early part of my walk - so here is another one. I love that Yew tree.

permafrost

I had another really good session this evening with my life coach. He had helped me with my goal of getting a new job - and you can see from the success I've had that his advice helped. I have another seven working days (I think) with the bullying boss, and she clearly has no intention of making my last days in the team anything other that an ordeal. He's given me tips on how to get through the next week and a half. He has a nice attitude which is life-affirming and self-affirming - this is an attitude which I don't have. It does me a lot of good to hear a differing perspective from my own defensive and self-protective one. We agree that this will be a new start in a team which welcomes me, and that it matters not that I have lost the battle, because I have won the war. And that's all that matters.

same old scene

Well, what a completely different weekend this one was compare to the last. This one was lovely and relaxing, and I've just rolled from one little indulgent occupation to another. Now all I have to do is read a book chapter for an hour, then have a nice bath, then bed. Too easy.

I still have another 2 weeks before I clear my desk, but because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel it will be easy to go to work. When there is no end in sight it is hard to stay positive. Everyone has been overjoyed for me - but one of my PhD supervisors asked me to think of something negative about the job, so that I don't imagine it being perfect in all ways. He is quite right to have suggested doing this. So, in that spirit I share with you that it is a further hour's walk from the train station - which will mean a longer daily commute. I'd most certainly walk to the train station (possibly 80mins) when going home, but I am not sure whether I would have the time (or the desire) to catch an early train in the morning. I've just checked the train timetable, and to get there by 9am, I'd have to catch a 7.10am train... meaning rising at 6am. [I currently get up at 7.30am for an 8.20am train.] Gulp. Well, we'll see.

fake plastic trees

When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought was I've got a new job! Getting up today was so much easier than it has been for months. Despite this delicious thought I didn't properly relax until I'd received a written acceptance of my letter of resignation. My boss left this on my desk late morning. This means my four weeks' notice was accepted. [Note: I am contractually obliged to give three months notice, but I suspect that my boss conceded that it would do no-one (i.e. herself) any favours to try to enforce this.] From this four weeks I subtract outstanding holidays  - of which I have 10.5 days, and 2 public holidays. So, I could effectively leave in one week and three days times. I am going to speak with my new employers and talk through alternatives before deciding on which date I clear my desk.

There are three wonderful things about this new job:

1. the job itself. It draws on all my skills (and not just the subset which challenge my boss and her pal the least). It will be terrifyingly challenging - and very multifaceted. I am so looking forward to this.

2. an end to the bullying, and never having to again work with my boss and her pal.

3. the shear delight people have expressed on hearing that I have gotten this job, and will finally escape from my awful situation. Their delight is directly proportional to the amount of time I've spent whingeing and complaining about my current post. It's been lovely. People really do genuinely want miserable people to find something better. This revelation has been a real insight into human nature.

By the way... see the box of Fairtrade chocolates above? Guess where they are right now. Yep, in my stomach. All of them! Quite stupid really - since I feel uncomfortable having eaten them all (3 or 4 would have been enough). However, they were lovely.

without you I'm nothing

K didn't take the job. I admitted to her that I was disappointed in her decision. I said that it was clear to me that I wasn't entirely objective in the advice I'd given her, and was projecting what I would do given the same situation. If someone offered me another job I would take it (if it paid the same amount), and that's what I was effectively suggesting to her. K is going to try and negotiate better working conditions, whilst continuing to look for something that she would prefer to do. I hope that she does. I admit to feeling really happy for her when she was offered the job. I am still delighted, because it's given her back work-confidence after a long spell of rejections at interview. Good for her.

My other pal isn't sure that the job interview he went for yesterday is one that he wants. He did, however, tell me that a very senior manager is offering him a very nice major project. And, I believe that this will mean a significant promotion (one, possibly two, grades higher). It couldn't happen to a more deserving person. And that makes me happy!

a forest

I was vacuuming my loungeroom this afternoon when I received an unexpected phonecall, from a colleague. We spoke for about 90 minutes. There is so much stress as a result of my boss, that conversation invariably moves in that direction - and we console each other.

During the conversation I was horrified to learn how many people have taken extended sickleave because of the stress of the workplace. I have been so tempted to do so myself, however somehow I manage to drag myself to to work each day. I worry that one day I will be unable to. The only thing that gets me through it is the support of my colleagues, and the knowledge that other people feel as unhappy as I do. Blah.

I really don't know how I would feel if as many people disliked me, as they do my boss. Surely she can't be oblivious to the fact that no-one likes her? Of course not.

eyes without a face

I had a day off work today, in lieu of Easter Monday. It was wonderful having a lie-in, and just lolling about. I went for a long walk in the morning, and spent most of the rest of the day reading and doing stuff for my project. Ernie sent me the final bill, for the work he did this week. I almost had a fit -  it was twice what I was expecting (£630 - I was expecting it to be about £300). Oh well, there is nothing I can do about that. I really need to sort out my finances, since everything seems to be going onto my credit card.

I found out that the graffiti on the door was the logo of The Wu-Tang Clan.